It's Messed Up In Here
by heyadoin
Summary: Quinn is lost and always has been. Can a bump in with an old frenemie help her find her way?
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: So I decided to start a new fic, because the other one was getting a little difficult to write. I've been thinking about it for a while and thought it would be cool to write something in Quinn's POV, since she's such a complicated character. I love that about her, though. Judging by the response I get from this, I'll decide whether to continue it or continue my other story._

_Let me know what you think! :)_

**It's Messed Up In Here: Chapter 1**

I had never been a big fan of commitment, and I was silly for thinking that I could ever change. I finally thought I had everything figured out. I had been attending Yale for three years after high school. On a scholarship too. I had an amazing, and entirely supportive boyfriend during that time, but somehow I managed to ruin all of that. Just like I ruin everything that's perfect. Beth, Finn, Sam, Puck. Everything. You see, the problem with me is that I can never let myself be truly happy. Happiness is like a drug- I feel really good at first, but then reality kicks in and I'm right back to feeling nothing. But that's not how it's supposed to be. Not at all.

So here I am, sitting on a random Southwest plane, headed to New York, because running away from problems is what Quinn Fabray did best.

I felt someone tap on my shoulder a few times, but I shook it off thinking it was just my dream. I felt it again and slowly allowed my eyes to drift open. I took a few seconds to get used to my surroundings and realized that I was still on the plane. I looked up and saw a flight attendant smiling down at me.

"I'm sorry for waking you. I just wanted to let you know that we're about to land." I smiled back at her and gave her a soft nod. I let out a huge yawn and stretched my arms and legs as far as I could. I looked out of the window and saw the bright city lights shining below. New York City.

Before I knew it, we had landed, and now here I am walking along the busy New York streets. I always admired how this city seemed to he the most alive during the late night hours. It was 11:30 pm, and the streets were filled with happy couples and groups of friends. It brought a sense of calmness to me. Like I didn't really belong, but I did.

I passed a cozy looking coffee shop on my way to nowhere in particular, and decided to go in and relax for a bit. It would probably seem a bit weird walking in there with my suitcase, but who the fuck cares right? I opened the door to the place known as 'The Coffee Shop.' Literally. That was the name of the place. I took a look at my surroundings. It really was a cozy place. There were a couple of tables near a fireplace, a few couches, and a coat/ hat hanger. "How cliché." I thought. I shrugged off my coat and hung it on a hook and continued to walk towards the ordering station. I didn't even need to look at the menu to know what I wanted, because Quinn Fabray only takes her coffee one way, and that would be black. I placed my order and was immediately handed my steaming cup. I soaked in the wonderful smell for a second before walking to take a seat on one of the couches. I sighed contently at the odd warmth I felt being alone in this random coffee shop. I decided that I needed some sugar, but just as I was about to make my way towards the counter, someone bumped into me. I realized that the person had dropped their coffee all over the floor, so I bent down and used my napkin to help them clean up.

"Shit. I'm so sorry." I breathed out as I continued to scrub. This person just continued to stand there, not moving at all. I slowly looked up to see what the problem was, and my eyes went wide.

Well fuck me, I never thought I would be seeing the one and only Santana Lopez again.

"Santana?" I said. She seemed to snap out of her daze and smirked at me.

"Well look at that. I knew it was only a matter of time before you came bowing at my feet." I rolled my eyes as I stood up. Three years, and she was still the same exact person.

"Yup. Definitely you." I answered. She chucked at that and sat down at my spot on the couch. I felt weird just standing where I was, so I went to sit next to her. She seemed to be typing something on her phone and drinking the remainder of her coffee. She set it down and then finally looked at me.

"Sorry, work." She mumbled. I nodded not really knowing what to say. Santana and I never really had a strong relationship. When it was just the two of us in high school, all we talked about were boys and popularity. No heart to hearts or anything like that. With her and Brittany it was different, though. Not just because of the sex, but they genuinely cared about each other. I was always a little envious of them, because I wanted someone to care about me like that. Santana suddenly broke the awkward silence. "So, what brings you to the big city Fabray? At 12 am too? Wow. You were always a curfew kind of girl." She said with the same smirk from earlier. I just laughed.

"Boredom, I guess you could say. College just wasn't for me." I said softly. Her eyes seemed to show some sort of concern.

"Huh." I just nodded.

"What about you? I always thought you stayed in Lima." She gulped after I said that. Maybe bringing up Lima wasn't the best idea, especially since I didn't know what went on with her and Britt and everything.

"Oh. Um, yeah. I moved here about a year ago, because I got an internship with a record label. It's not like a big deal, though. You wouldn't even know the name." She said while blushing. I smiled, because Santana seemed to be in the right place.

"San! That's amazing!" It felt weird being happy for her without any jealousy getting in the way. She laughed while replying.

"Thanks Q." We stayed silent for a few minutes just soaking everything in. "This feels really weird. I never thought I would see you again." I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, it does. I'm just glad we're not at each other's throats." She laughed again at that. I cleared my throat. "So do you live here with anyone? Or is it just you." I saw a flash of hurt in her eyes for a second, but she quickly blinked it away.

"I shared an apartment with B for the first six months here. It actually worked out great, because she got a job teaching dance lessons not too far from my work." She took a deep breath and then continued. "But things changed fast. She got a job offer to teach dance in California. She would be getting her own studio and everything and being payed a lot more. Long story short, she took the offer and I guess that was it for us." She started to play with her fingers on her lap. I placed a soothing hand on her shoulder.

"I'm really sorry Santana." I whispered.

"Shit happens." She shrugged. After a few long minutes, she regained herself and then looked at me.

"So any plans on where you're gonna he staying, ?" She asked playfully. I hadn't really given much thought to that. I guess I would have to stay at a cheap hotel until I found a reasonable job.

"Um, I was just going to stay at a hotel until I find a job." I said with a light shrug. She just nodded for a few minutes.

"You know what? Why waste the money. You're staying with me Fabray!"

"W-what? Santana. No. I can't ask you for that, it's too much." She gave me a soft slap on the arm.

"Oh, shut it. I have more than enough room." She thought for a moment before continuing to speak. "I'll tell you what. I'll give you a month to find a job and get the money to buy a small apartment. If you don't have the money by then, I'll let you stay at a hotel. Deal?" I couldn't believe this was happening. I never thought I would be seeing Santana again, let alone living with her. I had to admit it was a pretty reasonable deal, so I nodded and smiled.

"Deal." She grinned and then gave me an unexpected hug. Wow. She really did change, because Santana was never really a hugger.

One month with the new and improved Santana Lopez. It wouldn't be that bad, right?


	2. Chapter 2

**It's Messed Up In Here: Chapter 2**

I woke up to the smell of coffee and burnt toast, and the mix of those two things together created an amazing aroma that brought a content smile to my face. I blinked a few times trying to figure out where I was. I was lying on a queen sized bed with baby blue sheets and comforters that smelled like lavender. I looked to my right and saw a window with the curtains drawn, so the sunlight was peeking in. I could see a few buildings in the distance, and that's when the memories from last night came flooding back in.

I had bumped into Santana at the coffee shop the night before,and she had offered to let me stay with her, so I guess I was in her apartment. The room I happened to be staying was really nice and gave me a warm feeling. I saw my phone sitting on the table beside my bed and decided to finally check it. It was 10:53 am, and I had 5 missed calls and 10 text messages. Three of the missed calls were from my mom, probably wondering if I got here safely and where I was staying. My mom was pretty understanding about everything going on in my life, because she knew how I was. That's why she didn't make that big of a deal when I made the decision to drop out of college. She knew, no matter where I was, that I could take care of myself. I appreciated that, because I knew a lot of parents wanted their kids to do things their way. The rest of the messages and calls were from my ex back at Yale- Daniel. He was so sweet and caring and didn't understand why I made the decision I did. Honestly, I didn't understand either. I just wasn't happy. I cared about him a lot, but I didn't love him like he loved me. I decided to ignore his messages, because what would I even say to him without hurting him?

I figured it was time to get up by now, so I made my way out of the room and was greeted by Santana sitting on the couch in her living room. She looked up when she heard me walking.

"Good morning Q." She said with a soft smile. I saw that she was in work attire, and I was impressed to say the least. She looked so mature and collected. I smiled at that. Santana had definitely transformed into such a strong woman over the past few years

"Morning!" I said as I took a seat next to her. She handed me a fresh cup of coffee, and my smile could not have been any bigger. "Wow, you know me so well. Thanks San." I said while taking a sip. She chuckled while shaking her head.

"You and your coffee." I just rolled my eyes and laughed along.

"So, you headed to work or something?" I said while looking at her. She seemed to look a little guilty when I asked that.

"Um, Yeah. I really wish I could stay with you and show you around, but tuesdays are our crazy days at the label..." I just smiled and nodded.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine. I'm just going to look for job offers around the area, and maybe explore a bit on my own." I said confidently.

"I know you'll be fine." She smiled softly. "If you have any problems just call me, okay?" I nodded.

"Wait." I said while pulling my phone out of my pocket and handing it to her. "Put your number in there." She slapped her hand on her forehead.

"Duh. I forgot you didn't have my number yet." She said while typing and handing it back. "Well. I should get going." She got up and walked towards the front door but paused as she was just about to open it. "Do you wanna meet for dinner at the Italian restaurant across from the Coffee Shop?" She asked hesitantly. "It's not as good as Breadstix, but it's pretty damn close."

"Hm. I'll have to check my schedule."

"Never mind." She said with a playful groan. I laughed, because it looked so cute.

"I'm kidding. Of course, San." I said with a smile. She smiled back and opened the door to leave.

"See you later Quinnie!" She screamed. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I know it sounds dumb, but this is the first time in a long while, where I've actually felt at ease. Maybe it was Santana. Just maybe.

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I was walking through the crowded streets of NYC again looking for places that appealed to me. I really didn't have much experience working anywhere, so this was going to be a bit hard. I stopped in front of a diner that I had seen while walking yesterday, and it looked pretty nice. I decided to go in and take a look. As I opened the door, a little bell jingled above me. The place was pretty empty, and it had a lot of red everywhere. A girl about my age with blonde hair came walking towards me. She was really pretty. I was sort of jealous of her looks.

"Hi. How may I help you?" She said with a sweet smile.

"Um. I was sort of wondering if you guys were hiring?" I asked hopefully.

"Oh! We're pretty much always hiring!" She said excitedly. "I'll go get you an application." She said while walking behind a counter. She came back in a few minutes with a packet in her hands.

"Thank you so much!" I said. "I'm Quinn by the way." I said while grinning wide and offering her my hand.

"Hi Quinn! I'm Sarah." She said while shaking it. "Hopefully we'll see each other soon!" I nodded and thanked her once more before heading out the door and back into the crowded streets. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, so I pulled it out to check.

_From Santana L: Hey, how's everything going? By the way, is it okay if one of my friends *wink, wink* joins us for dinner? _

Friend? What was the 'wink, wink' for? Knowing Santana, it was probably one of her hook-up buddies. I didn't want to interfere with that, so I sent a quick text in reply.

_To Santana L: I actually can't make it to dinner, so you enjoy :)_

And with that, I turned off my phone. I had to admit, I was a little upset that I wouldn't get to be spending dinner with Santana. I just didn't want to awkwardly sit there while she was canoodling some other girl, so I decided to just pick up something to go and eat it at the apartment.

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I was watching some random New Girl episode while eating Chinese food. It was about 9 in the evening, and Santana still wasn't home yet. I felt kind of lame just sitting by myself watching tv, but what else was I supposed to do alone? I considered going to a club, but I was too scared to go by myself, so here I am. I was starting to feel a little tired, but I really wanted to have some time talking to Santana. I feel like we haven't spent any time together, but then again it's only been like one day. But still. I guess I missed her already. Just as I said that, I heard the door open and some laughing. In walked Santana and another girl behind her which I was assuming was her friend. Just as that girl came in clear sight, I recognized her right away. It was Sarah from back at the diner.

"Santana? And Sarah...hi." They both stopped laughing and finally looked at me. Santana cleared her throat.

"Oh. Hey Q, I thought you would be asleep by now." I don't know why, but when Santana said that it hurt a bit. I guess I just expected her to be happy to see me. I should've known better by now to not get my hopes up.

"Hey Quinn." Sarah gave me a soft wave and a smile. I couldn't smile back for some reason, though. "Um. Maybe I should get going. It's pretty late." She said to Santana. Santana just nodded. "Bye babe." Sarah said as she gave a kiss on Santana's cheek. And with that, she was gone. Santana cleared her throat again.

"So, um. I didn't know that you knew Sarah." She said.

"Uh, yeah we met earlier at the diner she works at. I'm sort of thinking of applying there." She just nodded and sat down next to me on the couch, leaving some space between us. "She's really pretty." Santana looked at me and squinted.

"Yeah she is." She breathed out. I wasn't quite sure if she was talking about Sarah now.

"How was work?" I asked trying to break the tension. She seemed to snap out of her little daze and looked away from me.

"It was good. Busy but good." I nodded. "I'm off tomorrow. I was thinking of taking you to Times Square." She said with a smile. I smiled back at that.

"That sounds great." I said softly.

"Yeah. Well, we both better get some rest if we're going to be having a lot of fun tomorrow." She got up and started to walk towards her room. "Goodnight Q." She paused before walking again. "You look really pretty today by the way." She whispered the last part before continuing to her room. I just sat still. She really thought I looked pretty? Oh god, Quinn. You sound like a love sick teenager. She was obviously saying that in a friendly way. Why would I even care if it meant something more? I shook my head and decided to get some sleep too.

_A/N: Hope you liked it! Oh, and Sarah is supposed to look like Ashley Benson, so I guess that gives you an idea. :)_


	3. Chapter 3

**It's Messed Up In Here: Chapter 3**

I was brushing my hair in front of the mirror in the guest bathroom. Santana had said to be ready by 12, so we could get some lunch before walking around Times Square. The only problem was, I had nothing to wear. It's not that I wanted to get dressed up or anything, because there was no reason to, but I just hadn't washed any of my clothes yet. The only clean pair of clothes I had were my really tight skinny jeans and a blue tank top with a white cardigan. I guess that was casual enough for today, so I quickly changed into those. I wondered what today was going to hold. I really wanted to hangout with Santana, and I suppose today was that day. Even though Santana and I weren't that close back in high school, we still had the best times together. We were always the life of the party, but then again, it's also been three years since high school, so I'm sure a lot of things were going to be different. The Santana that I knew wouldn't invite me to spend the day walking around a crowded area, but this new Santana was beginning to grow on me. I smiled to myself before walking out of the bathroom and into the living room where Santana was on the phone with someone.

"…I know." I didn't know if I should go back until she was off the phone or wait. I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but for some reason, I wanted to here this conversation. "Look, Sarah. I'll make it up to you tomorrow. I'll even take you out to lunch, okay?" I sighed. Of course it was Sarah. I couldn't help but wonder if she was a major part of Santana's life. "Of course. I'll see you tomorrow, baby." And with that, she hung up the phone.

"Hey…" I said slowly while walking in. She looked up and smiled.

"Looking good, Q." She smiled. "Ready?" I nodded and smiled back. She grabbed her purse as I did the same and followed her out the door.

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"So…is Sarah your girlfriend or something?" I asked while taking a bite of my burger. We decided to eat lunch at this small diner. It wasn't as nice as the one I applied to, but the food was amazing.

"It's complicated. She wants commitment, and I don't." She sighed. "I'm just not ready for that yet. After Britt and everything, I just feel like I need time." I nodded in understanding. "But I take her out a lot, and it's not like we see other people, so yeah." She said while taking another bite of her salad. I sipped on my iced tea before replying.

"She seems like a really sweet girl. You guys are good for each other." I said with a smile.

"Thanks. I guess." She said with a small laugh. "Enough about my love life, what about yours? Have you been dating over these past few years?" She asked with a wink.

"Actually, I met this guy during my first week at Yale. We got really close and ended up starting a relationship." I thought for a second. "He loved me, and I loved him too. I guess I just wasn't _in _love with him." I shrugged. "I broke things off a month ago. I miss him sometimes, but I feel relieved."

"Huh." She said while setting down her fork. "Well. I'm glad you're single, because now I can introduce you to so many people." She laughed, but I didn't.

"I really don't think I want to date for a while, Santana." I said calmly.

"I was kidding, Q." She said with concern in her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Sorry. I just.. I don't even know how I feel these days." Wow did I really just tell Santana that? This was the most I've opened up to anybody in a while. She placed her hand on top of mine and took a deep breath.

"I'm gonna be honest with you. I can tell you're not fine, and you wanna know how I know that?" I nodded slowly. "The Quinn Fabray that I know wouldn't be out looking for a job. She would know what she wanted." I looked down shyly, because everything she was saying was so true, but I couldn't seem to find my old self anymore. "Hey, look at me." I looked up and tried to hold back the tears. "It's okay that you're lost, but you need to admit that to yourself first." I wiped a few tears that forced their way out.

"Oh god. I'm sorry. I ruined this whole day." I said while sniffling.

"Quinn, stop. You didn't ruin anything. I'm so glad you felt comfortable sharing that with me. But can I ask you for a favor?" She said while looking at me softly.

"Absolutely."

"I want you to talk to someone." I tensed, and she caught that. "But before you say anything, just hear me out." I stayed silent waiting for her to continue. "I know this really good therapist from mutual friends. I've met with him a couple of times after everything with Britt went down, and he was really good." She laughed. "And that's saying a lot coming from me." I smiled at that. I cut her off before she could say anything else

"I'll meet with him." She seemed surprised when I said that.

"What? Really?"

"Yeah." I sighed. "I just want to be better." She gave me a sympathetic look and got up from her spot across from me to come and sit next to me. She pulled me in for a tight hug that made me feel….accepted.

"You will get better. I promise you."

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It was Thursday. Yesterday with Santana was really nice. After our little moment at the diner, she still took me to Times Square and showed me around like she had promised. It was so much fun, and as the day came to an end, I definitely felt a lot better.

Santana said that she called Julian today to set up a meeting for me. I guess Julian was the name of the therapist. I was really nervous to meet with him, because I've never opened up to anybody before, let alone a stranger. But I was agreeing to do this to help myself get better, and if Santana believed that I could, then that was enough. She also said that these meetings were free, because her label covered it or something. I don't even know, but who am I to pass up free things?

Anyways, I've been walking for a couple of blocks now trying to follow the directions that Santana had given me on where to find the building I would be meeting with Julian at. I finally located the building after about ten minutes and took a deep breath before walking in. It was a pretty big building. That was my first impression. I walked up to the front desk where a tiny Asian woman was sitting.

"Um, excuse me?" She looked up.

"Hi. How can I help you, sweetie?" She said with a friendly smile.

"I'm supposed to be meeting with…Julian?" She sensed my hesitation and gave me an encouraging look before replying.

"His office is on the third floor. It's the first door after you step out of the elevator. Good luck!" She said.

"Thanks." I responded before heading towards the elevator. My hands were shaking as I pressed the button for the third floor. I didn't really know why I was nervous. This was supposed to help me, so I shouldn't really be scared. The elevator doors opened revealing an empty floor. I looked around as I stepped out, and all there was were a bunch of rooms. I spotted the one nearest to the elevator, assuming that was the one I was supposed to go to. I opened the door after a deep breath, and saw a man, maybe a few years older than me, sitting at a desk. There was a couch in front of it. I took a look at the guy and immediately thought he was handsome. He looked at me and smiled.

"You must be Quinn Fabray." He said. I nodded, not really feeling comfortable talking yet. "I know this may seem a bit scary, but it's really not. We're just here to talk, so you can have a seat on the couch and we'll get right to it. I hesitantly took a seat and gulped. "So, Santana told me a lot about you. All good things, of course." He said with a reassuring smile. I smiled back at the thought of Santana talking about me. "What would you like to talk about today?"

"I'm not really sure, actually."

"You seem like you're not really sure about a lot of things." I was surprised when he said that, because it was completely true.

"That's true. I used to be, but I guess now I'm just…lost and confused." He smiled again. His teeth were really white.

"That's perfectly normal, Quinn. Santana happened to mention that you came here a few days ago and bumped into her. So you're living with her right now, how's that?" He asked curiously as he put both of his hands into his lap.

"Um, it's alright. Santana's been really sweet about it all. She's definitely changed a lot since high school."

"Tell me about her in high school."

"There's not much to say. We weren't really that close. I mean we were friends only because we were both popular. She was a bitch." He laughed at that.

"How was high school for you?" I gulped thinking about Beth.

"I'm not so sure I want to talk about that." He gave me a sympathetic look.

"That's quite alright." He smiled. "Let's talk about.." He paused for a second. "Santana." He finally decided. I gulped.

"What about her?"

"Well you said that she's changed. What do you feel is different about her?"

"She cares about me." I answered almost immediately. He seemed to be more interested now.

"She didn't care about you before?" I shrugged.

"I don't know. I mean, I hadn't spoken to her in three years until recently so that says a lot."

"But did you ever attempt to talk to her in those three years?" I tensed.

"No." I breathed out. "I thought our friendship was long over."

"Well. How do you feel about your friendship now?"

"I think we can be closer than we've ever been." I paused. "I _want_ to be closer to her." I can't believe I said that. He smiled.

"I think you will, and I think she's going to be an amazing friend for you Quinn." I smiled back and nodded. "It looks like our hour is up." He sighed. Wow, time flew. "I'll see you next thursday at the same time. Is that okay?"

"Yes." I started walking towards the door, and then turned around. "Thank you, Julian." He smiled and said bye.

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When I got back to the apartment it was about 9:30 pm. I opened the door and found Santana sitting on the couch watching tv. She smiled when I walked in. I took a seat next to her and smiled back.

"Hi." I said.

"Hi." She said back. "How was it?"

"A lot better than I thought it would be." She smiled at that. "Thanks."

"No problem, Q." She breathed out. "I messed up being a good friend to you in the past, and I don't want to do that again."

_A/N: well. I don't have much to say. I'm really trying to develop their friendship before anything else. Also, Julian is supposed to look like Ian Harding. I don't even know how I mixed PLL actors into this, don't ask. If you have any suggestions, feel free to give them to me. Thanks for reading :)_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N:_ Just saying... this is a really short chapter. I've been busy, but I promise to make my next one longer._

**It's Messed Up in Here: Chapter 4**

Santana and I had been getting along really well over the past few weeks. My sessions with Julian were helping a lot too, and I even got the job working at the diner. He suggested that I keep a journal to write in every night, and it was something that I really enjoyed doing. Julian said that I had a unique mind and that writing would probably be something I'd love. He even suggested some creative writing workshops I could take around here. Everything was going so well. The only thing bothering me though, was the lack of time Santana spent with Sarah. I didn't know what was going on between the two of them, but whenever I saw Sarah at work she looked miserable. She would never even talk to me. I asked Santana how they were, and she said they were fine. Oh well. It wasn't my right to know everything.

Right now, Santana and I were sitting on the couch in her living room watching Orange is the New Black. It was a show that both of us started together and grew to love within a week. She was laughing really hard at something that happened, but I wasn't paying attention to the TV at all. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Her laughter brought a smile to my face. It was contagious and so genuine. I couldn't help but wish to see her laugh like that all the time. I never realized how completely beautiful she was. Snapping out of my thoughts, I looked down at the journal on my lap. It was opened to a blank page, and I was holding a pen in my hand. Santana still seemed to be engrossed in the TV, so I decided to write. I started off writing about my day at the diner, and how I wish Sarah and I could be closer friends, but then I ended up writing about Santana:

_...Her smile is the most infectious thing I have ever seen. How could someone be so beautiful? Sarah is so lucky to have her. I'm not jealous or anything. Am I? I'm just stating a simple fact. Anyone would be lucky to have her._

_Besides, I'm straight. I've always been. I'm just lucky enough to have her as a friend._

And with that, I closed my journal and took a deep breath. Santana seemed to sense something, so she paused the TV and looked at me with concern in her eyes.

"Everything okay, Q?" I paused for a second to think and then nodded.

"Yeah. Just thinking." I sighed. "Do you think maybe you could drop me off at my appointment with Julian tomorrow?" She looked at me and squinted.

"Of course I can. You didn't even have to ask." She said with a chuckle.

**X.**

Santana dropped me off at my appointment like she had promised, and even said she would sit outside until I was done. I gave her a quick hug as I made my way to Julian's usual room. I opened the door quietly and was met with Julian's almost too wide of a smile.

"Hi there Quinn. Just have a seat." He said and then cleared his throat. "You're looking beautiful today as always." He had another smile on his face. I blushed, because I always blushed when people gave me compliments.

"Thanks." There was a slightly awkward pause.

"Yes. Well. Let's get to it. How are you today?"

"I'm, um, fine. Santana dropped me off today, so I guess that lifted my mood a bit." He seemed a little more interested now.

"It seems like Santana is always making you smile." He pondered. "Every time you talk about her, there's always this smile on your face." I blushed.

"I care about her a lot. She's been a really good friend like I've been telling you."

"Yes, I recall. Quinn, you do realize you only have a week left living with her?" My eyes went wide in realization. Our month living together was almost up, and now that I had the money to buy my own place, I should probably start looking for one.

"Yeah. I realize that." I sighed. "But we would both still be living here in New York, so it's not like we would stop seeing each other."

"Of course." He smiled. "Have you ever considered the idea that maybe you're developing feelings for Santana?"

"W-what. No. We're just friends! Plus, I'm straight." I paused. "Yeah, I'm straight." He laughed at that.

"Quinn. It seems like you're questioning yourself, and that's perfectly okay. I'm just asking if you've ever considered the idea, that's all."

"Oh." He closed his note pad that he had been writing in and then looked at me with concern in his eyes.

"I really hope you're not letting some stupid labels that society has created, stop you from what you truly want." I gulped at that. "It looks like our time is up. See you soon, Quinn" He said with a soft smile. I didn't even say bye back. I just walked straight out of the door, because I was scared of how much he knew. Santana was sitting on one of the waiting chairs outside the room and smiled when I walked out.

"How was it?" She said while standing up and walking towards me.

"Fine." I said a little too quietly. She placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Q? What's wrong?" I shook her hand off.

"Nothing, San. Can we just go home?" She looked a little hurt.

"Um. Sure."

The ride back home was torturing. Nothing was said between the two of us, and that's exactly what made it torturing. I knew I was overreacting, but I just didn't want to develop feelings for Santana. It wouldn't be right, so i decided that tomorrow I would be looking for apartments right away.

We arrived home about an hour later, and the minute we stepped into the door, Santana finally said something.

"Okay Q, care to tell me what the fuck is wrong? And don't you dare tell me it's nothing, because it damn well is something!" I looked everywhere but at her, and then finally gave in because I couldn't stand to see her upset.

"I'm just upset that I'm leaving soon." It wasn't entirely a lie. In fact, I was upset about that. Santana let out a heavy sigh and motioned for me to sit next to her on the couch.

"Quinn..this isn't that big of a deal. We're friends, in fact, I consider us _best_ friends. We'll figure out a way to work everything out, so that I can see you every day. Just please don't waste your energy being upset over this. I love you, and I hate seeing you upset." She said while stroking my hair. My heart sped up when she said 'I love you,' but I knew she didn't mean it that way. It was still nice hearing those words escape those lips. Shit, snap out of it Q. You're not supposed to be falling for her. I wiped a few tears that fell, and leaned in to give Santana a hug.

"I'm sorry." I whispered in her ear. She lifted my face up and looked me in the eye.

"Hey, it's okay." She smiled. "How about we cuddle and watch some Orange is the New Black?" I smiled widely at that idea and nodded.

"I'd like that."

_A/N: I don't really have much to say. I don't own Orange is the New Black. Although, I wish I did, because it's an amazing show. Feel free to give me suggestions/ideas as always. Hope you enjoyed. :)_


	5. Chapter 5

**It's Messed Up In Here: Chapter 5**

Santana and I had been laying on the couch for about 4 hours now. It was about 2 am, but neither of us cared at all. We were too caught up in the TV, well she was. I was more caught up in her. I just couldn't look away from her. Maybe I was developing feelings for her. Maybe I wasn't. But who cares? I've realized one thing: I'm done settling for things just because that's my only choice. Right now, I knew I wanted Santana, and I wasn't going to settle for less.

"Santana?" I whispered.

"Hm?" She replied. Her head was buried in my neck at the moment, while my arms were wrapped around her waist.

"I-I need to tell you something." I said as I suddenly sat up straight. Santana now looked at me with a lot of evident concern in her eyes.

"What's wrong Q?" She asked softly. I looked away for a second and atarted to play with my hands. How was I supposed to tell her that I had feelings for her? Oh god. She was staring at me. Those beautiful dark brown orbs were showing so much care for me out of all people. I started leaning into her, and I didn't even realize it. Before I knew it, I could feel her hot breath on my lips. She wasn't moving, and neither was I, but we were both breathing hard. I gulped and then went for it. My lips softly grazed hers, but hers weren't moving at all. I tried to kiss harder, but her lips still weren't moving. She suddenly pulled away and blinked a few times. She cleared her throat.

"Quinn...I can't." It came out almost as a whisper. I couldn't respond. I couldn't even form a thought. I just got up and walked into my room. I didn't bother changing into my pajamas or going to the bathroom, I just fell down on my bed not tired at all. I looked around and saw my journal lying on the bedside table. I was so upset right now, that I didn't even think about what I was about to do. I picked up my jornal and the pen lying beside it and started to write:

_I'm so so so stupid. Of course she wouldn't have feelings for me. Things never work out the way I want them to. I know I'm not one to know what I want, but I know that I want Santana. But it doesn't even matter, because she doesn't want me. That's why I'm leaving. I care about her so much, and I know that me kissing her is just going to add more stress to her life. She doesn't deserve that. _

And with that, I closed my journal and got up. I started to pack all of my stuff, and after 30 minutes I was ready to go. I slowly walked out of my room and noticed that all of the lights were off. Santana was asleep. I sighed in relief and made my way to the front door. I quietly opened it and within seconds I was gone.

**X.**

Back on the busy streets of NYC in the middle of the night. Alone. Right where I started. I had nowhere to go or nowhere to be, and I somehow managed to be in front of the diner I worked at. I shrugged. It was open, so I might as well go in. I walked in and suddenly spotted Sarah. I was so stupid. Of course she was going to be here. She worked every day. Mostly the late night shifts.

"Quinn?" She was walking towards me now. "What are you doing here so late?" She looked at me and then at my suitcase. "And why do you have a suitcase?" I looked down at my feet, because I was kind of, well, embarrassed.

"I, um, have no where to go.." I said quietly. Her eyes showed some hint of concern, and then she placed a soft hand on my shoulder.

"But I thought you were staying with Santana?" I hated the fact that she was being so nice. I wish I could hate her.

"Well I was, but I'm trying to find my own place to live." At least that was the truth.

"In the middle of the night?" She said sounding surprised.

"Yes..?" She sighed.

"Look. You don't have to tell me what's going on, but at least stay with me for tonight. It's really late, and I'm leaving soon anyway." I nodded, because I didn't really know how to respond. "Just let me get my purse." She smiled. Within the next two minutes, we were out the door and in a cab to her apartment. It was about ten minutes away from the diner, and five minutes away from Santana's place. I never realized how close they lived. I sighed. Sarah tapped on my shoulder.

"Yeah?" I looked towards her, and then realized that the cab stopped.

"Oh sorry, I just thought you fell asleep. We're here." I nodded and then followed her out of the cab. We walked into the lobby of her apartment complex, and my eyes went wide. Santana was sitting on one of the couches in the lobby. Before I could run away, she looked up and seemed equally surprised at my presence.

"Babe?" Sarah suddenly said. Santana cleared her throat.

"Um. I told you not to call me that anymore." She said softly. She wouldn't look at me. Sarah crossed her arms and let out a sarcastic laugh.

"Okay Santana. Then what are you doing in my apartment complex?" Santana looked down at her hands.

"I-um. I've been coming here for the past week getting an apartment ready for Quinn." I was shocked to say the least. Had Santana really been doing this for me this whole time? Sarah looked mad, though.

"Oh, how sweet of you Santana." Sarah said sarcastically. "I guess I'll just leave you guys to it." And with that, she was gone. Santana and I hadn't said anything to each other yet. She was still looking down at her hands.

"San?" I said softly. "Have you really been doing this for me?" She nodded but didn't look up yet.

"I told you we were best friends, Q. I wasn't just going to let you look for an apartment alone. I know how hard that is, so i pulled some strings and found you one. It's a two bedroom, one bath." I sighed. We were best friends. I should be happy about that...that she cared about me so much. But I wasn't. In fact, I was miserable. I wanted her in another way, and if I couldn't have her in that way, I didn't even know if I wanted her at all. I'm such a god damn selfish person, and maybe I just have to accept the fact that I can never change that about myself. But I'm trying to change. I am. So if that's going to happen, I'll have to be happy with what i have. Santana is a good friend, and I shouldn't try to complicate that. So before I knew it, I was wrapping my arms around her and pulling her in for a hug. She giggled. "Oh thank god. I thought we were going to be in this awkward phase forever." I giggled back while pulling away from the hug.

"I'm sorry about that. I don't know what came over me." It wasn't an entire lie.

"It's okay, Q." She said sincerely. "I'm not mad. I was just upset that you ran away. I really didn't mean to make you do that." She said softly. I nodded in understanding.

"Can we just forget about it? Thank you so much for doing this for me. You're a really good friend Santana." She smiled bashfully.

"I care about you." When she said that, I genuinely smiled, because I knew for a fact that she actually did care about me. There was no doubting that, so no matter what happened between us, at least I knew that. "Quit blushing, Q" She smirked which made me blush more. "Come on, let's go back to my place and we'll help you move in the morning.

"Okay." I said softly. And that was that. I was off with Santana.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Here's some Santana's POV. This is a short one btw, but I hope you enjoy it still._

**It's Messed Up In Here: Chapter 6**

It's been two weeks since Quinn moved out, and things were going great. We were back to being our normal selves, and all was forgotten.

But the thing was, I didn't know if I wanted to forget it. Things were obviously different between Quinn and I, but I always thought it was because we both matured. After having much time to think about it, I've realized that maybe Quinn did have feelings for me and maybe I felt something too, but that doesn't explain why I didn't kiss her back.

The thing about Quinn is that she's unexpected. Her decisions change too fast, and you can never tell when she wants something for real. She's a lot like me in that sense, and that's why it's so hard for me to have feelings for her. I know for a fact that she has the power to hurt me, a lot, and I don't think I'm ready for that.

I sighed and made my usual route up the elevator to the third floor. I knocked on the door to Quinn's apartment and she opened it almost immediately.

"You're late." She smirked.

"Sorry, I got caught up at work." I said as I made my way in.

"It's okay. You hungry? I could warm up some left over pizza for you." She said walking towards the kitchen. I nodded as I went to sit on the couch. She came back with a plate containing two slices of pepperoni pizza and handed it to me while taking a seat next to me. I ate in silence while she flipped through her TV channels.

"Britt called me yesterday." I finally said, breaking the silence. She looked surprised.

"Really? What did she want?"

_Flashback:_

_"Hello?" _

_"Hi San..It's Britt."_

_"Yeah, I know. I have your number. Is everything okay?"_

_"I'm gonna be in New york for a dance recital in a few days, and I was just wondering if maybe we could catch up." I hesitated._

_"Britt..I don't think that's such a good idea." I heard her even breaths on the other end._

_"I know. I just miss you." _

_"Quinn's here." I blurted out._

_"Quinn Fabray?" I rolled my eyes._

_"Yes, who else? Anyway, she lived with me for a while and I helped her find her own place here. We're pretty close." _

_"Oh." was all she said._

_End of Flashback._

"Wow." Quinn said after I explained the phone call.

"Yeah." I laughed. "It's funny how she suddenly stopped talking to me after I mentioned being close to someone else." Quinn just stayed quiet. "What? What's wrong?" I asked. She just shook her head.

"Nothing." She sighed. "I think she still has feelings for you." I laughed because that was just ridiculous.

"May I remind you that she was the one who broke things off. Besides, I'm way beyond done with her." She nodded but didn't seem convinced. Whatever, I didn't need her validation. "You know what, Q? I'm just gonna go. See you soon, I guess." Quinn sighed and grabbed my wrist before I could open the front door.

"San..I'm sorry. I believe you. You're over her." She stepped closer towards me, and now our faces were merely inches apart. My breath hitched. "But if that's the case, then why didn't you kiss me back that night?" She whispered. At this point I wasn't breathing at all. I didn't know how to respond to her, so I did the only thing I could think of. I pushed her back against the wall, and within seconds my lips were on hers. I was running my hands through her hair, and not too long after she started responding to the kiss. Her hands wrapped around my neck making me kiss her even harder. My tongue slipped through her parted lips, and she let out a loud groan. My hands were roaming all over her back, and I heard a moan slip out of her mouth as my hands went lower. "Couch. Now." She mumbled against my lips. I nodded, and she led the way. I pushed her back on to the couch and straddled her. I attacked her lips immediately. I started kissing along her jawline, down to her neck. I sucked on her pulse point which was rewarded with a loud moan. That made me kiss even lower, towards her chest. As I got more near, I started to lift up her shirt, but she stopped me.

"Shit. Was that too far?" I breathed out. "God, I'm sorry." I said as I started to fix my hair and sat up straight. She still hadn't responded, though. I was panicking now.

"Santana." Quinn said calmly.

"Yes?" I gulped. She started to wrap her arms around me, and I slowly laid my head on her chest. She ran her hands through my hair which instantly calmed me down.

"That was amazing, and you're amazing. I stopped you because I don't know how to handle myself when I'm with you, and I want to take things slow. I really care about you, San, and I want to do this right to prove myself." I nodded, and my stomach started to fill with butterflies. She really did have feelings for me. "And I want to know for sure if you actually want this. Whatever this is." She said pointing between us. I sighed.

"I do want this. I feel so comfortable with you- like I don't even need to try to be anything. But Q, I'm so scared. I don't want to get hurt again." I whispered the last part. She hesitated, but then spoke.

"Look, I can't promise that it's going to be all rainbows and sunshine with us, but I can promise you that I will try my hardest to make you happy. If anyone deserves that, I know it's you." She said honestly. I nodded.

"Okay." I said softly.

"Okay." She smiled. "Well. Can I take you out tomorrow?"

"Hm..I'll have to check my schedule." I said with a smirk. She slapped my shoulder playfully, and I laughed. "I'm kidding. of course. I'll be done with work around 7ish. Is that okay?" She nodded.

"It looks like we have a date." She said with a smile.

"It sure does." I smiled back.


End file.
